Among the seemingly endless stream of bad news comes this “bright spot:”  Apps for the iPhone are selling briskly. For those who have been inhabiting a cave in Wazeristan for the past couple of years, apps are the little software programs for the iPhone (and some other smartphones from the non-Apple world). Some of them are downright useful, like the app that records the GPS coordinates of where you left you car, and provides a map with step-by-step instructions to find your way back. I’ll admit I could use that one.

But now, two appmakers are considering heading to court over….wait for it, wait for it…. farts. It seems that iFart is one of the biggest-selling iPhone apps. Yep, an app that makes your phone fart. Americans have, it seems, become too lazy to even pass gas on their own. Considering that the American ass has been expanding in indirect proportions to the economy as a whole (not to mention the proliferation of hot air on cable news channels), you would think producing farts would not be much of a problem. More and more, I’m starting to think that Wall-E was not much a cautionary tale and a documentary.

Now the company that produces a Pull My Finger fart app is threatening to sue the makers of iFart. This ranks right up there with Congress debating a bill about monkeys (true!).

I’m sure somewhere, someone has come up with an app to turn your iPhone into sex toy (iDildo?). Personally, I suggest all those app-crazy iPhoners just set your phone to “vibrate,” shove their phone up their ass, and have a friend call. If you’re not too busy having your phone fart, that is.